Well, through all these months is just kind of dragging on. I’m actually really unhappy with my life at the moment. I’ve felt this way for over a year now and I guess it creeps up on me every now and then. These past few weeks (hell, this ENTIRE year), I can’t help but feel insanely jealous on happy couples out there, holding hands and carrying babies here and there. And I’m so not in the mood when everybody keeps asking me where is my husband when I go to any functions. Please don’t ask will u? I’m divorced~ so what?
I just want out. Out of my house. Out of this humdrum life. And most importantly, out of Malaysia. Believe you me, I’ve tried my damn hardest to try to rekindle my love for the city, but it hasn’t worked. It frightens me (a little) that I’m more than willing to pack my bags and leave everything and everyone behind. I don’t hate my friends or family… I just don’t want to be here. I’ve also been indulging my anti-social nature a bit too much this summer. It’s official; I HATE talking on the phone. I’ve barely called anyone this month and I doubt that will change anytime soon. I hardly go out. I find myself saying, “Oh, I spoke to so and so… but only briefly.” I’m so jaded. I’m terrified of getting too close because I keep losing friends. I fail. I suck at people. I just want to get the hell out of Malaysia, travel, go to grad school, relocate to anywhere but not here, and get another kitty who will be named Belly!
Well, here I am, wallowing in self-pity. Boo, me.